Calling the Satellite O' Love...
Videogamers will shudder when I mention the name Uwe Boll, the director/"scary man who thinks he's a competent game-to-movie artist". Well, after butchering
House of the Dead (which accurately describes the state of the audience by the end of the flick) and
Alone in the Dark (which accurately describes how most gamer fans would like to have 5 minutes with Boll, minus the balpeen hammer being mentioned), our esteemed schlock artist came out with a new feature.
It's
Bloodrayne, which maybe lasted a week in theatres and is now coming to threaten your DVD player. I stumbled across an online review by Andrew Forbes. The full review can be found here:
http://showfinder.sympatico.msn.ca/browse/content/article.aspx?kid=1645I did, however, want to share the last paragraph of Forbes' review with you all:
If you rent this film – and I’m not saying you shouldn’t – make sure you don’t horde it for a quiet, solitary evening alone, for that would prove a terrible waste. What BloodRayne does seem good for, it occurs to me, is providing the focus of a session of exalted group derision. Call it the Ninety Minutes Hate. This is the kind of activity that brings people together to belittle in unison the failed vision of a bad director and a team of videogame designers (who, to be fair, probably wept when they saw this film). No, this movie needs to be shared. It needs to be the centre of attention for a large group of people. This is the sort of movie that will make you look like a comic genius, if your timing is even halfway decent. Be prepared to chortle, to catcall, and to shout at the screen. Make an evening of it. Laugh heartily, friends, for BloodRayne, in all its stunning ineptitude, has the power to bring us all closer together....I love this man.
Today's Lesson: it's windier outside than you think.
posted by Phillip at 7:10 AM
